Overwhelmed.....

My mind have been everywhere. I don't want to go through this again. All I can remember is how helpless I felt watching  my son suffer. Chemotherapy treatments bring so much pain, sleepless nights, and heartache. I can't take these feeling anymore. 

We received news that Dalen will not be prescribe chemotherapy in pill form. The pill is what Dalen wanted to take. When I was notified by the doctor this news, I couldn't tell Dalen. I knew why he wanted the pills rather than the port. It's been a great school year for him. He plead every morning to be at school as early as possible so he can play basketball on the school court and he begs to stay late as possible so he can play after school. Telling Dalen that he would have to get the powerport again was so heart-breaking. But I had to tell him! No time was ever perfect, this was so difficult. How would I start the conversation? How would I tell him without crying? I'm not going to tell him; that will work! I'll wait until he goes in for his appointment and let the doctor tell him. But I couldn't do that. I felt it was my responsibility to let him know. As I went to tell him that the chemotherapy in the pill form was still unavailable. His reaction was so sad. Tears begin to roll down his face and he stormed in his room. I started to say to my self, I should have not told him. As I was walking towards Dalen's room tears start falling nonstop, I could hear my baby sobbing heavily. he says "Mama I can't play basketball now. I can't try-out for the school team,now. I've been working so hard mama before and after school." 

I had no words for my baby. Basketball means so much to Dalen. Here I am again feeling helpless to the one person I love so much. To the one person I give the world to. The one person who I have always spent my last one. I couldn't help him! I couldn't tell him how I really felt. I just wanted to cry, cry, and cry.but I couldn't! I have to be strong for my baby. But I felt so powerless. How could I comfort him? I couldn't; This is just to much for me too. 

The only thing I could do was pray. I grabbed Dalens hand and got on my knees. We prayed together and we cried together. We asked for help together. We asked for comfort together. We asked for peace together. We asked for strength together. We asked for healing together. And we believe together.

After this prayer I just set there with Dalen. We didn't talk anymore; maybe because there was just no words to say. But what matter was we were together. I'm just going to continue to hope that it will get better. 

Please keep Dalen and the entire family in  your prayers; we need it like never before.